I'll be honest, I'm hurting, really hurting. I'm hurting because I've been fighting for so long to hold onto and hide so many things that are not for me to keep. I truly believe that what is in a person, what a person keeps in their heart, in their deepest, most inner soul, will come out of their mouth. Having this belief is probably why I am always convicted when I read and/or hear the verse Matthew 12:34 when Jesus calls the Pharisees a brood of vipers and that the mouth speaks out of the abundance of the heart.
Okay back to the hurting.
I know I'm not the only one that does this, but of all the people to do this, I really shouldn't do this due to my history of .... I shall refrain from sharing my issues (if you truly feel like you need to know, ask and I'll consider telling you), but I pent up all of my hurts, pains, and anger. I've held onto all of this ugly stuff for so long that it has seeped into my heart and has begun seep out of my mouth and I have tried my hardest to stay away from God's Word and have tried my hardest to push away the Holy Spirit because I don't want to hear that I've become a very angry, bitter, hurting, and emotionally ugly person to be around and that I tend to sucker people into my puddle of muddy ugliness. All of this got to a point when a cousin of mine got so sick and tired of how I treated people, and her, that she exploded on me and put me in my place. It hurt. A lot. It still hurts thinking about it, but how many people have I hurt? But it's a good kind of hurt, if there is such a thing, because it's a good reminder that I need to treat people so much better than I have and do (I guess there's a reason why Jesus said to treat people the way we want to be treated).
This situation was one of a couple situations that helped spark my realizing that I needed to study bible verses on kindness. There is one verse in particular that came up and it took me a little while to realize... no, that's a lie, it didn't take very long at all to realize that God was telling me what I was doing to people.
That verse being Job 6:14, which says:
"He who withholds kindness from a friend forsakes the fear of the Almighty."
When I read this verse, I wept. I still weep when I think about it. This verse is tearing me apart because it's making me realize how much hurt, pain, and anger I've been holding onto and that it's coming out of my mouth and hurting others, especially the people that I care about the most. I know so many people that have this inner beauty that flows and blesses every person that they come across and I've come to realize that I used to be like that and the reason why I'm not like that anymore is because I stopped hanging out with God on a regular basis and it's hurting me, which in turn, is causing me to hurt other people instead of encourage and bless them.
I don't want to withhold kindness anymore because it's not only hurting my relationship with God, but it's also hurting me and hurting the relationships that I hold dearly to my heart.
Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner. Thank you for your son and what he did for my soul.
I don't want to withhold kindness anymore because it's not only hurting my relationship with God, but it's also hurting me and hurting the relationships that I hold dearly to my heart.
Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner. Thank you for your son and what he did for my soul.
