As hard as it is, I really shouldn't be wallowing.

I'm sitting at a desk that has a college algebra book, two anatomy and physiology books (one for lecture and one for lab) and the corresponding notebooks and I'm just staring at these books.  I'm staring at them and wondering if I'm doing the right thing with my life by being in school.  Again.  All my life I have heard from people, whether I know them or not, that I should go to school and make something for myself, that I should find myself a good job that will help me become successful (whatever successful means).  Live in ease.

Now here I am, at the age of 26, and I don't know what I'm doing with my life.  I am at the age where I could easily have already received a Master's degree in something and already be working in that specific career area... but I haven't and I'm not.  I have been in and out of the local community college so many times as a student that it's just ridiculous.  I'm surprised they haven't told me to either stay put and do something with myself or leave and never come back.  So I decided to stay put long enough and got my Associate's Degree in Liberal Arts and I was quite proud of myself... until I figured out that a degree in Liberals Arts will do absolutely nothing for me when it comes to finding a job. 

I am now at the point of stressing out about finding a real job and whether or not I should continue this route of being in school and getting more classroom education and experience (in contrast to real life education and experience in the workforce).  I've submitted the job applications and I've submitted the resumes without very much feedback and I don't like it.  At all.

Am I wallowing?  Yes, I'm wallowing.  Though, I must admit that I have had two interviews recently, which is much better than no interview at all.  I have very easily been stuck in a negative light, focusing on me and what I'm not getting, focusing on the interviews that are not happening.  That's what's been happening rather than me focusing on God and who He is and looking on the fact that God has blessed me with the opportunities to have at least been called in to be interviewed and we'll see what happens.

Despite what God has blessed me with, I've been wallowing in self-pity like Pig-Pen from the comic strip "Peanuts".  Wallowing allows for many negative feelings and if there are any words to describe what I'm feeling, the words would be depressed and anxious.

Then earlier this week, the pastor of the church that I attend posted a bible verse on facebook.com that just stopped me in my tracks.  The verse that he posted was Philippians 4:6 and I have been thinking about it a lot over the past few days.  So here's the verse, plus the surrounding verses to give some extra context:

Philippians 4:4-9

⁴ Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. ⁵ Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; ⁶ do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

⁸ Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. ⁹ What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

After reading these verses, I realized that depressed and anxious are bound to happen in normal every day life.  Despite that fact, depressed and anxious aren't to be wallowed in and they aren't things that are true or honorable or pure or anything good, which means that I'm better of giving the depressed and anxious feelings to God.  In the end, I better be focused on God and talking with Him on a daily basis and asking Him to give me a daily reality check, because I'm not doing so well on my own.